[He does sound like he cares about the answer too. Hard to tell over text when the dismissive and heavily rude manner of acting that works Zell up beautifully behind closed doors and is used to hide their thing in public is still okay. No chance for small gestures to reassure or be reassured by.
So really, checking in to make sure he hasn't gone too far seemed important.]
My way of asking if that sort of teasing that feels on the level with stuff
said last night works in this context.
[Being a dick when it's deserved is one thing. Being a dick as foreplay is
a similar thing. Being a dick accidentally when failing at foreplay is a
whole other thing.]
[There is a tone of relaxation in Zell’s voice now that he knew that Seifer wasn’t serious about him being easy. Well not a normal person seriousness.]
If you can call them friends. Elijah Zale is throwing it.
[The guy who had been Seifer's squad leader last SeeD exam. Who had passed
when Seifer hadn't. Who Seifer sort of hated for that and for his warm,
welcoming, outgoing attitude.]
[Seifer watches the whole kerfuffle with unrestrained amusement, and definitely some of the candy. When the person behind them shouts Seifer just snorts.
Hyne alone knew how he didn't burst out laughing at Squall resigning himself to the movie and taking the candy back.
What really gets him, though, is when the little mutt decides the best option at the change in lighting and noise levels is to jump onto Squall's lap. Good thing it's clearly some small terrier mix. The only thing stopping full blown guffaws then is the darkened theater.
Though Seifer does lean in to whisper softly in Squall's ear.]
Now just replace one of us with an attractive chick and you've got a movie appropriate meetcute going on. But keep waiting. Your princess might still show up.
[ Maybe it's irrational but Squall feels a flash of betrayal at the weight suddenly leaping into his lap. So now it likes him? Instead of shooing the dog off, he channels his annoyance at being trapped by pushing his hand into Seifer's face to move it away from his ear. Darkness and low murmurs aren't exactly something he wants to entertain when his brain won't let go of the fact that this is the first time they've sat alone in the cinema together. No one else from Garden. Just them. ]
I don't need a princess.
[ His grousing earns a whine from the dog. The first time it's made noise that he's aware of and in the otherwise silent theater it just makes the heat in his cheeks deepen when he feels eyes on the back of his head. Fine. He'll pet the damn thing. But not because he wants to. ]
I thought it liked you. Why isn't it in your lap? [ The whisper is more of a hiss as he turns to speak quietly against Seifer's ear, huffing his annoyance against the skin there while a catchy pop track introduces the movie's protagonist on screen. ]
Always a loner. We're a social species. Trying to emulate the hermits isn't
healthy.
[Seifer mostly mumbles the words under his breath. Not like Squall ever
listens, and he had come here because he genuinely liked the genre
and wanted to see the movie. Congratulations, Leonhart, for finding the
secret only the posse ever knew.
The question is distracting though. Good thing he has an answer.]
Detergent garden uses on uniforms. canines like it. Figured that out last
summer when I was dating this Galbadian chick with a dog. Hated me when I
was dressed casual. But uniform and other things I used the cadet stipend
to get cleaned before I headed out made it friendlier. No clue why.
[ Seifer's bravado is such that Squall wouldn't be surprised if his taste in romance movies was worn openly on his sleeve. It's probably for the best then that nearly everything in Squall's life is filed under a level of secrecy, rooted in the simple fact that anything he does know about someone else isn't anyone else's business.
His elbow shoves itself into Seifer's side for the gentle ribbing as if to physically steer them away from that point of conversation but not before he can add, ] You were here alone too.
[ The difference, he supposes, is that Seifer wouldn't balk at a princess walking into his life. ]
Hm. [ There's...too much information there to parse through so Squall lets them lapse into the kind of silence befitting of the theater. Summer, girlfriend, dog. His brows pinch without him knowing it, but he can always blame it on the movie's dialogue. Though thirty minutes in, he's looking more invested despite any previous begruding. ]
[See, if Squall did talk about it to someone Seifer could claim he just
watched them in case a date wanted to talk about the movie and pretend like
they weren't getting all flirty instead. Bases covered.
Still, he is pleased to find that, as the movie progresses and he clearly
gets invested in it, he doesn't have to stop to explain things to Squall.
Maybe his hand reaches over once in a while to steal a gummy worm or pet
the mutt, but mostly he's devoted to the flick. To the point of mumbling in
annoyance when the pretty heroine starts chasing the rude bad boy rather
than the quiet by clearly secretly mad for her barista she met again as a
server at some big museum party she was running.
Sure the tropes are there and make the genre but he doesn't have to be
happy over bad choices. Part of the fun is the outrage and debates, both
internal and after the film.]
[ Part of the trouble with movies like this is they're so abstract to his own reality that Squall finds it difficult to connect with them. Instead, he's often left with the nagging reminder of being incomplete in some way because of how they were raised: with weapons in their hands and objectives as their bed time stories.
Yet even he can see that the protagonist is a moron. Not even just because of her brief but torrid obsession with the film's resident bad boy (who, by Squall's standards, isn't even really that bad of guy), but because by the end of things the only people who have shown any real growth are her two love interests, neither of whom made her better.
By the time the credits are rolling and their candy is gone (when it became communal Squall doesn't know but he also didn't put up much of a fight), the mutt in his lap is happily asleep which is the only reason why he slings his voice low to share his thoughts. A first considering he wasn't prompted for them. ]
So she just...gets with the guy and that's it? No figuring out how they're going to make it work with their differences? He's barely got his life together.
[ Squall's mouth purses into a tight line after the brief tirade, annoyed that he's given Seifer some small sliver of satisfaction for being more invested than he anticipated. The dog wakes, whines, and pushes its nose into his stomach but if it's to tell him to keep talking, he doesn't. ]
It's the happily ever after effect. No one cares beyond the moment of happy
acceptance. If there is growth we don't see if it lasts. People want to see
if be simple I think.
[The girl had. What a fairy tale life she had wanted to live. Something
Seifer had known he could never provide. He's slain what amounts to
dinosaurs with only his blade, bullets, and wits. He's got scars on his
scars. He knows people walk away and maybe they don't grow until it's too
late.]
It's drivel. But at the same time it's enviable. There is this moment of
happiness and fulfillment, and in your mind's eye you can fill in the gaps.
Not with the likely or the probable, but the aspirational. A happy
relationship with someone who cares and supports you. Who sees you for as
you are or helps you reach who you could be. By never pushes you too far
beyond your limits so that you really have to consider yourself or how you
fucked up or how you might fuck yo. But at the same time, because it is
only a story, they can't walk away. Can't abandon you. Can't die.
Happiness, or at least contentment, held always at the same level or
dreamed to be higher with no risk.
[ He gets why Seifer has a posse; why there are some people who are eager to latch onto Seifer's presence. It's not the first time Squall's had this realization, but he's reminded of it as they sit in the emptying theater. He agrees that the film was drivel, but that deeper longing behind it have him shifting to watch Seifer as he speaks.
He has an elbow on the armrest between them and a hand on the dog who's content to stay in his lap and as he listens, Squall can't help but notice how deeply abnormal this is by virtue of it being the most normal, the most pedestrian, thing they've ever done together.
He doesn't hate it.
And Seifer is right: it is enviable. That part he hates. The ache in him, the one that keeps everyone from ever getting too close, reminds him that people do abandon you. People do, in fact, die. Is it worth it for some small moment of contentment? He deliberately tries not to think of the warm weight in his lap or how he's leaned in closer to listen to Seifer as he weighs the merits of such things. ]
You could have that. [ He's not sure why he's saying it. The selfish part of him wants Seifer to stay at Garden. To pass the fucking SeeD exam. To push him so he can push back. But listening to Seifer...These don't feel like the ideals of a soldier. They're the ideals of a romantic. ] Are you sure you're not failing the field test on purpose?
[ There's a better way to ask if Seifer is doing what he wants with his life, but of course no one would ever make the mistake of saying Squall was good with his words. ]
[The words 'you could have that' are met, almost instantly, with a little scoff. Squall may be Garden's most frigid resident, but everyone knows Seifer's the most fiery. Both things to avoid if you don't want hurt. And Seifer has no problem in recognizing that he'll never get to live up to any of his romantic dreams.
It's why he never voices them. Just finds facsimiles to play at and pretend he's content with.
But the question of if he's failing on purpose has him making a louder, far more pissed off noise as he pushes to his feet.]
Yeah, Leonhart. I'm failing on purpose. Nothing like spending two years getting screwed over and knowing I've got a few months left before I'm kicked out of the only fucking home I've ever known, torn from the only friends I've ever had, and told that I'm not good enough. Nothing like knowing that my only options are going to be selling my sword as some backwater village's personal monster shield in hopes that they give me just enough to keep a leaky roof over my head and some gruel in my bowl. Or better than that, joining a fucking military like Galbadia's which is SO much more strict than Garden is. Sounds like fucking heaven.
[No. He didn't want to fail. He had nowhere else to go. Garden was literally all he had and the place was hardly preparing any of them for life outside of it. Maybe he could go for being a cop. Wouldn't that make everyone happy.]
And you're so bright that you can see how much I clearly want that shit and was secretly hiding it. Amazing. Really, they should hire you as guidance counselor or something. Help weed the chaff who dream of other things from the cream of the fucking crop.
[ It doesn't surprise Squall that there's offense to be taken. What does surprise him is how he's clearly misinterpreted Seifer's behavior in their time at Garden together. It strikes him as odd that when rapidly trying to circulate through his memories for when the wires got crossed, he can't pinpoint the moment. He also can't pinpoint when they started at Garden together but that's not nearly as important as the body standing up to leave. Not even the dog wants him gone and hops out of Squall's lap to follow at Seifer's heels. He rises to do the same.
...When was the last time he chased after someone? ]
Don't be an idiot. You're not failing because you're not best.
[ No one should ever seek comfort from him, truly, but maybe there's some solace in the fact that Squall isn't the type of person to offer platitudes. It's also the first time he's ever admitted which of them has more skill between them and they are, without a doubt, Garden's best. It's not pride or bravado that has Squall aware of that.
There are people shooting them looks as they file out, but Squall stops Seifer with a hand around his elbow. ] I thought SeeD was just...the next thing for you. It's the only thing we've been trained to know. But you are dreaming of other things. You constantly put your ideals ahead of orders and no one on these tests has had the prowess to keep up with you so you can marry the two.
[ The dog at their feet begins to whine and pant, clearly unhappy with the sudden conflict. But conflict is something Squall has never backed away from with Seifer. It's the one thing he knows how to do right with him that doesn't involve a blade. ]
It'll be different next time. [ He's prepared for Seifer to shrug him off. He knows he's touched something sensitive. But they are the best. And he knows Seifer won't let him fail. And now Squall won't let him either. ]
[Being the best doesn't matter if he's not also willing to be exactly the sort of mindless puppet the faculty wants. Someone who follows orders without thinking about them, without questioning them. Someone to be a certain kind of soldier that has even less morality than the military does when the price is right. Not the sort of man he dreamed of being, or the sort of work he dreamed SeeD would have.
And yeah, Seifer's got a lot of pent up anger about it that Squall never knew. That no one knew. That no one wanted to learn.]
I'm failing because I can actually think and question and have independent thoughts and that isn't exactly marketable in mercenaries if it isn't in the exact right way. I'm not like you. I can't just listen to someone give a stupid order and go 'yes, let's do that.'
[And he doesn't want to be. But what else does he have? Risk it all to try and claw his way into keeping the only place he's ever known and then... what? He doesn't even know. Hyne it's so fucking stupid. He's stupid. And he's angry. He jerks his arm away from Squall's grip.]
You don't get it, do you? You'll pass next time. No way you won't. Faculty is desperate for a gunblader, clearly always have been.
[After all, he feels like it was a little too easy for them to get permission to go into one of the world's most dangerous weapons when they were barely old enough to do their times tables.]
But me? Ifrit's balls, you don't even get it.
[He gestures sharply toward the now dim screen, trying to evoke something of the movie.]
I'm the douchebag obstacle in the movie. The two dimensional piece of shit that maybe for half a minute you root for because maybe he is what the heroine wants. Someone to maybe shake up her life and change it, maybe pull her out of the comfort zone. Give her a chance to see something other than his looks and the unreliable narrator angle suggesting those looks and being a 'bad boy' is all he is. I'm the one you root against once you realize the guy the movie wants the chick to get with. The character that has some scene that gets momentarily tense before he's swept off like he never fucking existed. Set dressing on other people's lives. Because if you look closer maybe you start to see he's not the shallow ponce you see through the lens. Or you hope he isn't, because otherwise can you imagine? The torment she would live with? The way he would self destruct his life or hers?
[His arm drops to the side and he shakes his head.]
Not everyone can be the museum chick looking for her perfect future, or what she thinks it is. And not everyone can be the quiet, withdrawn, handsome, but clearly seeking on some level to be seen and open up barista. The guy that gets to have that dream because he did the right thing and was only what the narrative wanted him to be. Hell, we can't even all be the shallow best friend who gives makeovers and just lives to compliment the other two. Some of us get to want to be recognized for who we are and not have to apologize for everything about ourselves. To not be the person shot only one way that leaves the audience thinking 'thank hyne she didn't end up with him because he'd destroy one or both of them'. To not have to live a shit life trying to fit into the stupid mold of the role because what the fuck else is there? Disappearing out of the story completely? Is that even worth it? Being free but utterly out of the picture?
[And maybe he's just worked up, but that's a lot of vulnerability there. A lot of internalized emotions maybe thrown out there in too public of a way. Which only makes the anger worse. The frustration worse. The certainty of his own doom worse.
He's not doomed by the narrative. He's doomed by his own certainty of doom. He's making his prophecies and slamming himself into a poorly fitting mold made by them, just like he's trying to slam himself into Garden's mold. And he doesn't fit in either.]
[ This is more of Seifer than he's ever seen and suddenly, with the bravado peeled back and his heart on display, Squall understands why Seifer walks through the world the way he does, forcing people to acknowledge his existence. You cannot be in a room with Seifer Almasy and not know he's there. Squall had always thought it was arrogance or some haughty need to show off. It's not. It's desperation. It's clinging to a world that could take or leave them the way their parents did and screaming at it to make space for him.
How had he never seen it until now? Squall is struck by the fact that Seifer might be the bravest person he knows and it hurts to see what that bravery has gotten him. To see the hurt exposed right before his eyes.
Of course Seifer would rather be perceived as a bully or an asshole than nothing at all. Anything as long as it wasn't nothing. And yet the way Seifer talks has him questioning so much of their time at Garden. It unravels the neat and tidy and contentedly ignorant existence he's been able to maintain because keeping his head down is easy and safe. Operating as a cog in a machine, knowing his function, is safe. It makes him nauseous to realize that maybe Seifer's right: he doesn't get it and the depths of his nescience might be deeper than he knows.
He forces himself not to think of the very real possibility that Seifer might have been held back for other reasons: to further the potential of a gunblader that's easier to control. He forces himself not to think of the fact that Seifer also sees that in him and what it might mean for how little he thinks of Squall. He forces himself not to think. ]
Life isn't a movie. When the idiot barista gets the girl, that doesn't mean the realities and dreams of everyone else that got them there are over. You're no one's set dressing, Seifer.
[ His mouth is open to say more but the cleaning staff have arrived. Now all of a sudden people care about the dog and they exercise all the authority in them to tell Seifer: Your dog can't be in here, sir. The whiplash of needing to leave on the heels of Seifer's speech makes Squall feel ill, but he bends to scoop up the mutt and put it in Seifer's arms so he doesn't try to put a fist through anything instead. ] We were just leaving.
Premise Page Basically what the game is generally about.
The Current Test Drive Meme where you test out the character and have what amounts to their intro (I don't know if IJ did these). But if you were going to consider playing, you'd post to This page with a post because, well, we filled up the first one REALLY fast last month.
Invites, if you're interested, open this month on the 18th and run through the 20th. I'd have to put one in during that window for you to apply this month. Reserves are the 20th through the 23rd, and applications are the 22nd through the 27th. And if that's all too soon, there will be a new Test Drive in May and a new cycle of everything from there. It's nice like that.
And if you just want to annoy Seifer in this and nothing comes of it, he's here (though if you click the original post link, you can see him making friends with Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ninetydegrees
For @loudchickenwuss (TFLN overflow 10/25-26/2024)
on 2024-10-27 02:09 am (UTC)Hey Chicky. Just checking in. Lines still intact?
[He does sound like he cares about the answer too. Hard to tell over text when the dismissive and heavily rude manner of acting that works Zell up beautifully behind closed doors and is used to hide their thing in public is still okay. No chance for small gestures to reassure or be reassured by.
So really, checking in to make sure he hasn't gone too far seemed important.]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
on 2024-10-27 02:43 am (UTC)My way of asking if that sort of teasing that feels on the level with stuff said last night works in this context.
[Being a dick when it's deserved is one thing. Being a dick as foreplay is a similar thing. Being a dick accidentally when failing at foreplay is a whole other thing.]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 02:52 am (UTC)no subject
on 2024-10-27 02:54 am (UTC)[And just that small reassurance earns a low, pleased chuckle from Seifer.]
Good. Just wanted to be sure. Now if you hung up on me I would know I could keep calling you out on being a hyperactive brat.
[Words said with a sort of fondness that one might be shocked to hear from Seifer.]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:18 am (UTC)[There is a tone of relaxation in Zell’s voice now that he knew that Seifer wasn’t serious about him being easy. Well not a normal person seriousness.]
I think you need to make it up to me.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:21 am (UTC)Do I? And leave this totally amazing party? Seems unlikely.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:52 am (UTC)no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:54 am (UTC)Very secretly. And you wouldn't like the people here. All assholes.
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on 2024-10-27 03:57 am (UTC)And I'm a very entertaining drunk.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 04:17 am (UTC)If you can call them friends. Elijah Zale is throwing it.
[The guy who had been Seifer's squad leader last SeeD exam. Who had passed when Seifer hadn't. Who Seifer sort of hated for that and for his warm, welcoming, outgoing attitude.]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 04:21 am (UTC)[There was a pause and maybe a bit of a pout.]
It's a really good party isn't it.
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Posted byFor @vacantexpression (TFLN overflow 10/25-26/2024)
on 2024-10-27 02:19 am (UTC)[Seifer watches the whole kerfuffle with unrestrained amusement, and definitely some of the candy. When the person behind them shouts Seifer just snorts.
Hyne alone knew how he didn't burst out laughing at Squall resigning himself to the movie and taking the candy back.
What really gets him, though, is when the little mutt decides the best option at the change in lighting and noise levels is to jump onto Squall's lap. Good thing it's clearly some small terrier mix. The only thing stopping full blown guffaws then is the darkened theater.
Though Seifer does lean in to whisper softly in Squall's ear.]
Now just replace one of us with an attractive chick and you've got a movie appropriate meetcute going on. But keep waiting. Your princess might still show up.
Thanks for this!
on 2024-10-27 02:55 am (UTC)I don't need a princess.
[ His grousing earns a whine from the dog. The first time it's made noise that he's aware of and in the otherwise silent theater it just makes the heat in his cheeks deepen when he feels eyes on the back of his head. Fine. He'll pet the damn thing. But not because he wants to. ]
I thought it liked you. Why isn't it in your lap? [ The whisper is more of a hiss as he turns to speak quietly against Seifer's ear, huffing his annoyance against the skin there while a catchy pop track introduces the movie's protagonist on screen. ]
Gladly
on 2024-10-27 03:06 am (UTC)Always a loner. We're a social species. Trying to emulate the hermits isn't healthy.
[Seifer mostly mumbles the words under his breath. Not like Squall ever listens, and he had come here because he genuinely liked the genre and wanted to see the movie. Congratulations, Leonhart, for finding the secret only the posse ever knew.
The question is distracting though. Good thing he has an answer.]
Detergent garden uses on uniforms. canines like it. Figured that out last summer when I was dating this Galbadian chick with a dog. Hated me when I was dressed casual. But uniform and other things I used the cadet stipend to get cleaned before I headed out made it friendlier. No clue why.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:19 am (UTC)His elbow shoves itself into Seifer's side for the gentle ribbing as if to physically steer them away from that point of conversation but not before he can add, ] You were here alone too.
[ The difference, he supposes, is that Seifer wouldn't balk at a princess walking into his life. ]
Hm. [ There's...too much information there to parse through so Squall lets them lapse into the kind of silence befitting of the theater. Summer, girlfriend, dog. His brows pinch without him knowing it, but he can always blame it on the movie's dialogue. Though thirty minutes in, he's looking more invested despite any previous begruding. ]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:27 am (UTC)[See, if Squall did talk about it to someone Seifer could claim he just watched them in case a date wanted to talk about the movie and pretend like they weren't getting all flirty instead. Bases covered.
Still, he is pleased to find that, as the movie progresses and he clearly gets invested in it, he doesn't have to stop to explain things to Squall. Maybe his hand reaches over once in a while to steal a gummy worm or pet the mutt, but mostly he's devoted to the flick. To the point of mumbling in annoyance when the pretty heroine starts chasing the rude bad boy rather than the quiet by clearly secretly mad for her barista she met again as a server at some big museum party she was running.
Sure the tropes are there and make the genre but he doesn't have to be happy over bad choices. Part of the fun is the outrage and debates, both internal and after the film.]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:42 am (UTC)Yet even he can see that the protagonist is a moron. Not even just because of her brief but torrid obsession with the film's resident bad boy (who, by Squall's standards, isn't even really that bad of guy), but because by the end of things the only people who have shown any real growth are her two love interests, neither of whom made her better.
By the time the credits are rolling and their candy is gone (when it became communal Squall doesn't know but he also didn't put up much of a fight), the mutt in his lap is happily asleep which is the only reason why he slings his voice low to share his thoughts. A first considering he wasn't prompted for them. ]
So she just...gets with the guy and that's it? No figuring out how they're going to make it work with their differences? He's barely got his life together.
[ Squall's mouth purses into a tight line after the brief tirade, annoyed that he's given Seifer some small sliver of satisfaction for being more invested than he anticipated. The dog wakes, whines, and pushes its nose into his stomach but if it's to tell him to keep talking, he doesn't. ]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 03:50 am (UTC)It's the happily ever after effect. No one cares beyond the moment of happy acceptance. If there is growth we don't see if it lasts. People want to see if be simple I think.
[The girl had. What a fairy tale life she had wanted to live. Something Seifer had known he could never provide. He's slain what amounts to dinosaurs with only his blade, bullets, and wits. He's got scars on his scars. He knows people walk away and maybe they don't grow until it's too late.]
It's drivel. But at the same time it's enviable. There is this moment of happiness and fulfillment, and in your mind's eye you can fill in the gaps. Not with the likely or the probable, but the aspirational. A happy relationship with someone who cares and supports you. Who sees you for as you are or helps you reach who you could be. By never pushes you too far beyond your limits so that you really have to consider yourself or how you fucked up or how you might fuck yo. But at the same time, because it is only a story, they can't walk away. Can't abandon you. Can't die.
Happiness, or at least contentment, held always at the same level or dreamed to be higher with no risk.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 04:18 am (UTC)He has an elbow on the armrest between them and a hand on the dog who's content to stay in his lap and as he listens, Squall can't help but notice how deeply abnormal this is by virtue of it being the most normal, the most pedestrian, thing they've ever done together.
He doesn't hate it.
And Seifer is right: it is enviable. That part he hates. The ache in him, the one that keeps everyone from ever getting too close, reminds him that people do abandon you. People do, in fact, die. Is it worth it for some small moment of contentment? He deliberately tries not to think of the warm weight in his lap or how he's leaned in closer to listen to Seifer as he weighs the merits of such things. ]
You could have that. [ He's not sure why he's saying it. The selfish part of him wants Seifer to stay at Garden. To pass the fucking SeeD exam. To push him so he can push back. But listening to Seifer...These don't feel like the ideals of a soldier. They're the ideals of a romantic. ] Are you sure you're not failing the field test on purpose?
[ There's a better way to ask if Seifer is doing what he wants with his life, but of course no one would ever make the mistake of saying Squall was good with his words. ]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 04:33 am (UTC)It's why he never voices them. Just finds facsimiles to play at and pretend he's content with.
But the question of if he's failing on purpose has him making a louder, far more pissed off noise as he pushes to his feet.]
Yeah, Leonhart. I'm failing on purpose. Nothing like spending two years getting screwed over and knowing I've got a few months left before I'm kicked out of the only fucking home I've ever known, torn from the only friends I've ever had, and told that I'm not good enough. Nothing like knowing that my only options are going to be selling my sword as some backwater village's personal monster shield in hopes that they give me just enough to keep a leaky roof over my head and some gruel in my bowl. Or better than that, joining a fucking military like Galbadia's which is SO much more strict than Garden is. Sounds like fucking heaven.
[No. He didn't want to fail. He had nowhere else to go. Garden was literally all he had and the place was hardly preparing any of them for life outside of it. Maybe he could go for being a cop. Wouldn't that make everyone happy.]
And you're so bright that you can see how much I clearly want that shit and was secretly hiding it. Amazing. Really, they should hire you as guidance counselor or something. Help weed the chaff who dream of other things from the cream of the fucking crop.
no subject
on 2024-10-27 05:02 am (UTC)...When was the last time he chased after someone? ]
Don't be an idiot. You're not failing because you're not best.
[ No one should ever seek comfort from him, truly, but maybe there's some solace in the fact that Squall isn't the type of person to offer platitudes. It's also the first time he's ever admitted which of them has more skill between them and they are, without a doubt, Garden's best. It's not pride or bravado that has Squall aware of that.
There are people shooting them looks as they file out, but Squall stops Seifer with a hand around his elbow. ] I thought SeeD was just...the next thing for you. It's the only thing we've been trained to know. But you are dreaming of other things. You constantly put your ideals ahead of orders and no one on these tests has had the prowess to keep up with you so you can marry the two.
[ The dog at their feet begins to whine and pant, clearly unhappy with the sudden conflict. But conflict is something Squall has never backed away from with Seifer. It's the one thing he knows how to do right with him that doesn't involve a blade. ]
It'll be different next time. [ He's prepared for Seifer to shrug him off. He knows he's touched something sensitive. But they are the best. And he knows Seifer won't let him fail. And now Squall won't let him either. ]
no subject
on 2024-10-27 05:17 am (UTC)And yeah, Seifer's got a lot of pent up anger about it that Squall never knew. That no one knew. That no one wanted to learn.]
I'm failing because I can actually think and question and have independent thoughts and that isn't exactly marketable in mercenaries if it isn't in the exact right way. I'm not like you. I can't just listen to someone give a stupid order and go 'yes, let's do that.'
[And he doesn't want to be. But what else does he have? Risk it all to try and claw his way into keeping the only place he's ever known and then... what? He doesn't even know. Hyne it's so fucking stupid. He's stupid. And he's angry. He jerks his arm away from Squall's grip.]
You don't get it, do you? You'll pass next time. No way you won't. Faculty is desperate for a gunblader, clearly always have been.
[After all, he feels like it was a little too easy for them to get permission to go into one of the world's most dangerous weapons when they were barely old enough to do their times tables.]
But me? Ifrit's balls, you don't even get it.
[He gestures sharply toward the now dim screen, trying to evoke something of the movie.]
I'm the douchebag obstacle in the movie. The two dimensional piece of shit that maybe for half a minute you root for because maybe he is what the heroine wants. Someone to maybe shake up her life and change it, maybe pull her out of the comfort zone. Give her a chance to see something other than his looks and the unreliable narrator angle suggesting those looks and being a 'bad boy' is all he is. I'm the one you root against once you realize the guy the movie wants the chick to get with. The character that has some scene that gets momentarily tense before he's swept off like he never fucking existed. Set dressing on other people's lives. Because if you look closer maybe you start to see he's not the shallow ponce you see through the lens. Or you hope he isn't, because otherwise can you imagine? The torment she would live with? The way he would self destruct his life or hers?
[His arm drops to the side and he shakes his head.]
Not everyone can be the museum chick looking for her perfect future, or what she thinks it is. And not everyone can be the quiet, withdrawn, handsome, but clearly seeking on some level to be seen and open up barista. The guy that gets to have that dream because he did the right thing and was only what the narrative wanted him to be. Hell, we can't even all be the shallow best friend who gives makeovers and just lives to compliment the other two. Some of us get to want to be recognized for who we are and not have to apologize for everything about ourselves. To not be the person shot only one way that leaves the audience thinking 'thank hyne she didn't end up with him because he'd destroy one or both of them'. To not have to live a shit life trying to fit into the stupid mold of the role because what the fuck else is there? Disappearing out of the story completely? Is that even worth it? Being free but utterly out of the picture?
[And maybe he's just worked up, but that's a lot of vulnerability there. A lot of internalized emotions maybe thrown out there in too public of a way. Which only makes the anger worse. The frustration worse. The certainty of his own doom worse.
He's not doomed by the narrative. He's doomed by his own certainty of doom. He's making his prophecies and slamming himself into a poorly fitting mold made by them, just like he's trying to slam himself into Garden's mold. And he doesn't fit in either.]
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on 2024-10-27 06:20 am (UTC)How had he never seen it until now? Squall is struck by the fact that Seifer might be the bravest person he knows and it hurts to see what that bravery has gotten him. To see the hurt exposed right before his eyes.
Of course Seifer would rather be perceived as a bully or an asshole than nothing at all. Anything as long as it wasn't nothing. And yet the way Seifer talks has him questioning so much of their time at Garden. It unravels the neat and tidy and contentedly ignorant existence he's been able to maintain because keeping his head down is easy and safe. Operating as a cog in a machine, knowing his function, is safe. It makes him nauseous to realize that maybe Seifer's right: he doesn't get it and the depths of his nescience might be deeper than he knows.
He forces himself not to think of the very real possibility that Seifer might have been held back for other reasons: to further the potential of a gunblader that's easier to control. He forces himself not to think of the fact that Seifer also sees that in him and what it might mean for how little he thinks of Squall. He forces himself not to think. ]
Life isn't a movie. When the idiot barista gets the girl, that doesn't mean the realities and dreams of everyone else that got them there are over. You're no one's set dressing, Seifer.
[ His mouth is open to say more but the cleaning staff have arrived. Now all of a sudden people care about the dog and they exercise all the authority in them to tell Seifer: Your dog can't be in here, sir. The whiplash of needing to leave on the heels of Seifer's speech makes Squall feel ill, but he bends to scoop up the mutt and put it in Seifer's arms so he doesn't try to put a fist through anything instead. ] We were just leaving.
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Posted byngl i've been dealing with this week with so much Squiefer fanfic
Posted bysame t b h 🤘😔
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Posted byYou think this might be a good time for us to wrap?
Posted byThe perfect place!
Posted byi rarely get to take him out
Posted byLook at himmmmm, a bebe
Posted byhe really is, my kiddo
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Posted byAbout PixieLed
on 2025-04-14 07:28 pm (UTC)Premise Page Basically what the game is generally about.
The Current Test Drive Meme where you test out the character and have what amounts to their intro (I don't know if IJ did these). But if you were going to consider playing, you'd post to This page with a post because, well, we filled up the first one REALLY fast last month.
Invites, if you're interested, open this month on the 18th and run through the 20th. I'd have to put one in during that window for you to apply this month. Reserves are the 20th through the 23rd, and applications are the 22nd through the 27th. And if that's all too soon, there will be a new Test Drive in May and a new cycle of everything from there. It's nice like that.
And if you just want to annoy Seifer in this and nothing comes of it, he's here (though if you click the original post link, you can see him making friends with Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)