on 2025-03-21 05:30 am (UTC)
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The soft huff of air might as well be an outright laugh from Squall for how rare it is. The amusement lingers, helping to lessen some of the ache in his chest that comes from not being able to promise Seifer the security he'd wanted to give him. There's a fondness however that lingers as Squall remembers the way Seifer had been there...applauding him for his ascension into SeeD...That singular gesture something that had eaten at him. He'd wanted to find Seifer that night of the ball...Instead...

He swallows down the memory of Rinoa's face hollowed out from his memory. How Seifer's had been eaten away as well. The way his feelings for them both had been warped and mutated by magic. He doesn't feel its buzz under his skin or fogging his mind. It's just the crystalline gaze of Seifer watching him and Squall watching him in turn.

"I think you would have argued with me in private, but refrained from undermining me in a room," Squall says quietly. He's thought of all the ways they could have worked together...the fantasies of sharing rank and missions and how they would be the envy of all SeeDs. They were dreams that belonged to a younger self. "I think I would default to the mission and you would default to what was right and I would inevitably come around every time. I think you've always had too much heart to be a soldier. I leaned on the memory of that more times than I can count while trying to lead."

on 2025-04-14 03:06 am (UTC)
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"SeeD isn't altrustic," Squall explains, countering Seifer's point with the knowledge. "You would have helped me see that sooner." It was different now. Or at least Squall was trying to steer it in that direction, prying it from the greedy roots that had taken hold under NORG's watch. Not everything they'd accomplished was something to be celebrated...

Seifer would have been able to sniff out the corruption, but it was entirely possible that in doing so it would have put a target on their backs if they'd tried to do anything about it. There's so much about their lives that could have been different if Squall hadn't planted the seed in Matron that would seal their fate. The responsibility of it is a doleful weight he tries not to think about.

"It would have taken time to sink in though. Having you in my ear would likely prove...distracting." He meets Seifer halfway in the attempt for levity. Acknowledging the tension that had always lived between them and how no rank was likely to get in the way of it.

on 2025-04-14 03:50 pm (UTC)
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In another world, in one where fate and time hadn't been stacked against them, maybe they could have changed the system together. Maybe Seifer could have prevented Squall from doing "more" in favor of doing "good" in the same way he could convince him to do just about anything.

It surprises him to hear about Fujin. Enough that he doesn't stop himself from asking, "How were you an idiot?" He had his own answers to that, of course. The way Seifer actively chafed under bad leadership, how he never listened to an order if he didn't agree with it. But the implication was that he'd been an idiot with Squall.

His hands angle Seifer's face, unable to take them away from any part of him now that he's allowed to touch, until Squall can feather his lips against the shell of Seifer's ear, murmuring low into it, "Besides keeping all those distractions to yourself." Because Squall had learned he could be a distraction too.

on 2025-04-15 03:33 am (UTC)
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There's an edge of mortification in knowing he'd been the subject of such talks, but it's drowned out by the fact that they'd been had to begin with. That some part of Seifer hadn't been able to keep his attraction to himself or had worn it so openly that Fuijn had clocked it. If he'd been able to elicit these noises from Seifer during their sparring, then perhaps Squall would have been braver in his attempts to seek them out. Now, his fingers sift through too-long blonde hair to get a good grip on the ends, pulling them as his breath catches with the thought of Seifer wet and eager.

"She was right," he rasps while trying to steady the violent pulse of desire that thrums through him. "You were an idiot." They both were, but it's easier to tease and Squall isn't interested in talking as much as he just wants to make up for lost time, kissing Seifer with a force that might have been bruising.

"Gonna make it up to me?" he pants between biting kisses and the tease of his tongue over Seifer's lips, coercing him the best way he knows how: with a challenge.

on 2025-04-16 12:09 am (UTC)
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If they'd done this as cadets, maybe things would have been different. Maybe Squall would have been brave enough to petition on Seifer's behalf after the SeeD exam. Maybe they both would have gone to Timber. Maybe they could have stopped Edea at the onset of Ultimecia's possession of her...Maybe the threat of her wouldn't still nag like a splinter under his nail.

Whatever they might have done, it wouldn't have been this. He'd have been too guarded, too cagey, too scared. He's none of these things as he goes for Seifer's throat, biting along his jawline and down his neck in retalliation for the way Seifer pulls back. Distance has been Squall's enemy all these years in his search for the other man and he'll be damned if he lets it get in the way again.

"Then put your hands to work," Squall grunts without sympathy, already utilizing his own to do just that. Releasing Seifer's hair is a sacrifice but one his hips strain to appreciate as he drops his hands between their bodies to begin undoing the button of his pants, paving the way for Seifer like he's doing him a favor purely because Squall knows it'll incense him.

on 2025-04-16 05:16 pm (UTC)
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Neither of them have ever been good at standing down when challenged and so Squall isn't surprised when Seifer finds a new way to warp their familair tension into something underscored by heat and desire. For a moment, he just keeps their gazes locked, his own narrowing to see if Seifer is actually going to put him in the spotlight.

When he doesn't rise to assist with the undoing of his pants, Squall uses a hand to push him away so he can properly get his feet planted. "Doing the work because you're suddenly incapable is not showing off," he scowls but it does nothing to cut the efficiency of his movements, how he makes quick work of his belt and the buttons and zipper that follow.

There's no acquesicing here. He doesn't make an effort to get himself entirely out of his pants. All he cares about, all his straining cock cares about, is opening them enough to push the waistband of his underwear down so that he can get a hand around himself. The feel of it, the weight of Seifer's gaze as he grips the base, makes his breath come in sharp and it takes every ounce of defiance in him to keep his eyes level on Seifer's face as he makes that first upward stroke, the entirety of his erection angled toward the man who inspired it, even as Squall's cheeks go hot from exposing himself like this.

on 2025-04-16 09:22 pm (UTC)
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If there's a power to this then it isn't felt until Seifer is sinking deliberately to his knees for him. The position inspires a heady thrill that pulses through him and leaves Squall hard enough that the slickness against his palm makes the glide of his fist easier as he tempers himself with another stroke. He's seen Seifer on his knees for sorceresses and for respite. Never for him.

The shock of what it does to him makes Squall's breath come in a little more raggedly. It had been impossible to pin down what being with Seifer could look like, but nothing in his imagination could have competed with the earnest desire written on the other's expression. An expression that's so close to Squall's dick his skin feels too thin, too taut, to contain how much he needs him.

"Seifer." He steadies himself with a hand on one broad shoulder but all it does is remind him of how warm and inviting it feels to touch. Squall skates his fingers to the back of his neck and even if he tells himself it's to make it easier to step out of his pants, all it really does is draw Seifer closer. Close enough that he can feel his breath against his thigh.

"I thought you wanted to watch." It's a miracle Squall can get the words out, gruff and low, as he resumes his slow stroking, base to tip then down again. This is better. Having Seifer's hands peeling off his clothing, having the heat of him so close, Squall would prefer this to the singularity of Seifer's gaze any day.

on 2025-04-16 09:56 pm (UTC)
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The teasing is unbearable, something Squall withstands only because it wouldn't be Seifer if it wasn't a test in each other's patience. This is a battlefield that's familiar even if the weapons are new. Their desire acting as twin opposition, clashing only because they're refraining from doing exactly that with their bodies.

Squall's grip on the back of Seifer's neck tightens in a proprietary squeeze. He's never been the possessive type but the view of Seifer on his knees, the brush of his lips against his skin, it ignites something in Squall like an oil spill catching fire on the open sea. Fiery waves lap at the back of his neck, scorch the high planes of his cheekbones, and encourage Squall to break. How is it that he's always the first to break?

"Don't tease." He knows how to give commands. It's easier after years of having them be expected of him. He just never thought he'd issue such an audacious one. It's the only thing his mind can focus on. It's the only thing that makes the straining of his cock feel even slightly more bearable. His hand curves around Seifer's jaw, encouraging his face to tip up and the look that Squall fixes him with is hungry and blown. All his catty indifference traded for an intensity that rumbles in his voice. "I've waited this long." They both have.

on 2025-04-17 12:49 am (UTC)
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For the first time, perhaps in the entirety that they've known each other, Squall sees the cracks in Seifer's bravado. There's something painfully earnest in the eyes that look up at him. Like Seifer trusts him with every inch of himself. He never thought Seifer would be the type to soften into sincerity but now he can't imagine why it hadn't crossed his mind before because of course Seifer with all of his ideals, all of his romantic dreams, is going to approach this with sincerity.

The vulnerability it must require feeds the need inside of Squall. He wants to trap Seifer against the nearest wall or between the mattress and not let him up until every scarred inch of him has been kissed and cared for. It isn't just desire that smarts like a whiplash across his heart. It's something more.

"Whatever you want," he pants in offering as he keeps his hips from arching forward into the mouth that still manages to be a tease. The flick of that tongue making all of his sense briefly leave him.

"Open up," the order would sound vulgar if it wasn't panted out with an acute tenderness. "Let me give it to you. It's yours. It's always been yours, Seifer."

And if Seifer needs the encouragement, Squall is more than happy to hook his hand gently around his jaw to better angle himself to the mouth he wants to sink into and the body he wants to call home.

on 2025-04-24 03:34 am (UTC)
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It's almost infuriating that Seifer is good, even at this. The surety in the movement, the utter confidence with which Seifer opens his mouth for him, makes Squall want to keep him there on his knees until the smugness drains out of him. His breath catches with the feel of him, the heat and cushion of Seifer's tongue, and the curl of it under the head of him that makes Squall tighten his grip in Seifer's hair.

"Hyne," the word gusts out of him like an illicit prayer that's as much to ground him as it is to praise the motion. Except he doesn't want to praise Seifer when he looks like this, a holdover from the stubborn way they used to clash as reckless teenagers with neither of them giving the other even an inch of approval. It's what had made the applause after the SeeD exam so disarming. They've always had the capacity to encourage each other...Seifer had just had nothing to lose by finally showing it.

And even though there's nothing to lose by enjoying all of Seifer's obvious skill, Squall still can't help but rein in the way his breath has gone ragged or the stillness of his body despite the way his hips want to drive himself the rest of the way down Seifer's throat.

"I hate that I'm not the first," he confesses in way that comes out strained, as if the admission surprises even him. His treacherous mind wants to supply him with all of the other men it could have been, but Squall refuses to get past the first several faces because they don't matter. Just like everything he's done with Rinoa. All that matters is: "I'll be the last."

It's meant to be a promise but the way he presses himself a few inches deeper into Seifer's mouth feels like a parry instead. A counterpoint to the opening strike of Seifer's tongue. Even in this, Squall finds a way to make this a dance between them.

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