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[cross_swords]

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[cross_swords]

[Some people can ignore the hole. Some people are gnawed at by it so constantly that they are left with no choice but to feed it. So they don't start clawing at the world in hopes of tearing it apart to fill the gap.]

If I make SeeD, they'll be here in time for me to still have them.

[vacantexpression]

[ Sometimes people ignore the hole too, but that just allows it to grow. Squall has deliberately not looked at his own but it has its own shadow now and he can feel its lonely chill whenever he stands in it. ]

When you make SeeD.

[ It's a gentle correction and it's just as much for Squall as it is for Seifer. ]

[cross_swords]

[Seifer sighs.]

Maybe just focus on you getting in. I can handle myself.

[Which is absolutely not accurate.]

[vacantexpression]

[ There's a quiet scoff at that. From Squall, it's almost akin to a smile. ]

I've handled you for years. You can relieve me of that duty when you're in a position to give the order.

[ It's a challenge. All the best ways to motivate Seifer usually are. ]

[cross_swords]

[See, if they were friends, Seifer could make a joke about how he was certain he'd notice being handled by Squall. But as it is he just smirks.]

You never respected your elders, have you. You'd ignore my orders if I gave it to you. But I'm going to find a way to make you listen some day, Squall.

[vacantexpression]

[ Squall doesn't know how much longer those smirks will be his to enjoy but right now, it's just them, and this moment belongs to no one else. ]

You already know the way.

[ If they were friends, Squall would salute, maybe smile. Maybe he'd even flip Seifer off for a laugh. Friends however are a commodity he's never had the emotional currency for. Instead, they're this. And Squall forces himself to be content despite the hungry void in him that yearns for more. ]

[cross_swords]

No. I really don't. You barely listen to anyone.

[And certainly never to Seifer, not so much as he would like. But that fire, that fight that only he saw... He did like that too.

They were nearing the gate now and Seifer sighed.]

You ready for this?

[vacantexpression]

[ The eyeroll is there to greet Seifer's assessment. They're both stubborn but Squall would argue he's the most amenable to taking orders. ]

I listen just fine to the people I respect...If you were my commander...

[ Squall doesn't bother finishing the sentence. Mostly because it's hard for him to embroil himself in any more sincerity. Better to focus on the fights ahead and so he nods as they approach the gate. There's no better time than now. ]

[cross_swords]

[Seifer scoffs.]

Maybe one day you'll get to prove it. But who knows if that day will come. Probably won't if you don't pass. So hop to it. You want some fire spells for backup?

[vacantexpression]

After you, [ Squall says of passing, a glint in his eyes. Challenging each other is where they excel, after all. He hesitates however at the offer for fire magic. Shiva isn't a fan and he can feel her physically recoil from him whenever he uses it. However he knows better than to shirk potential advantages.

It takes a moment before Squall extends his hand. ]

How much can you spare?

[cross_swords]

Enough.

[The extended hand meets Seifer's in the briefest of touches. With it trickles over another fifteen fire spells for Squall to stock.]

You have elemental attack junction worked up on the Ice Queen yet? Safer way to use fire damage without upsetting her as much. I do the same with ice to appease Ifrit.

[vacantexpression]

[ Their touches are always perfunctory and practical things. Swapping magic, checking each other for injury, a hand to pull the other off the ground. It's always too brief, but Squall knows it's by design. A habit after all the times he shirked the opportunity for casual affection growing up. At least...that's what he thinks is the reason. Memories of their earlier years at Garden are hazy and everything before then is a wash of watercolors dripping off the canvas.

He knows one thing though and that's that Seifer has been a constant through all of it. It makes his fingers twitch as he pulls his hand back, chasing the phantom touch. Squall hums in consideration and feels out the connection he has with Shiva. The opportunity to junction an elemental attack is there but it's something he's only ever dared to try with ice magic for the same reason he's never tried to chase Seifer's actual touch and not just its ghost. He's terrified she'll leave him. ] What's he like?

[ As far as he's been able to tell, GFs have their own preferences and personalities. Even just inquiring about Ifrit makes his chest feel like there's an icy grip on his heart but it thaws a little as he increases the percentage of fire for his elemental attack. It's a tenuous agreement, but it seems to hold. ]

[cross_swords]

[Now there's a question that Seifer never expected to hear from Squall. Or anyone really. A lot of people in the Garden were sort of dismissive of the idea of the GFs having personalities. So he didn't know what to do when he was being so clearly questioned about it. which means he stops, thinks. Really considers.]

Proud. Arrogant. But below all of that, he's strong and protective. Fierce. Like he'd smash through a city to protect you. It's... nice.

[vacantexpression]

[ Theorizing about GFs beyond their utility isn't something he's prone to and not just because he'd rather tell someone to go talk to a wall than share his thoughts out loud. Seifer however has always been a safe place to debate strategy or tactics. His brow arches, a quiet intrigue in the gesture, as he absorbs this information. Ifrit is an inevitability. The more he can know about him before he sets off to the Fire Cavern, the more equipped he'll be challenge him.

The deeper connection shouldn't be surprising, he shares his own with Shiva after all, but when it's shared, he can't help but hold onto the last part. They've been without any real parental oversight most of their lives. Protection hasn't exactly been a common theme for them and he never thought to consider that it might be something either of them could long for. Why now is he learning about these deeper parts of Seifer?

No...maybe it's not the first time but there are memories that have been lost to the fog of Shiva's touch. Have they had this conversation before? Or one similar to it?

Squall's mouth firms into a tight line before he cants his head to invite more speculation. ]

Do you think they take on parts of our personalities?

[ He sees the throughlines between Ifrit and Seifer, just like he sees them between himself and Shiva. ]

[cross_swords]

[Of course he would long for protection. This was not the sort of thing that he would ever get to experience in his life. So he didn't think he'd beg for it. Not now, not ever. But Ifrit, perhaps he sensed that need and wanted to provide it. Then again...]

He was sort of like that when I found him. Taunting me, annoyed that I was using Shiva against him, things like that. But I know that Shiva doesn't, and Quetzalcoatl don't get like that either. So I think it's just who he is.

[vacantexpression]

[ There is some small glimmer of satisfaction that runs through him at the mention of Ifrit being confronted by Shiva. It reminds him of snow being shaken mischievously from a branch to tumble down onto someone below it though he can't recall ever having done something like that. ]

Interesting...She is, by the way. Protective. In her own way.

[ In the way Squall can count on her to fog over the memories of pain and abandonment. Or how she'll numb his wounds for him so he can push himself through injury and chase the victory that's on the other side of it. ] I think she gets jealous though.

[ A trait they share but that Squall would never own up to. That would be entirely too much to unpack and he'd first have to acknowledge the feeling in order to dissect it. ] Does Ifrit care at all if you switch between him and the others?

[cross_swords]

Ifrit isn't that jealous, though he doesn't like the idea of sharing with Shiva. Specifically her. He's not into the idea of me using ice either.

[But it wasn't like he had another one other than Shiva and Quez, and since he didn't use either of them that much, well, it didn't matter to him or Ifrit. They knew where his attention would be. Where his faith laid.]

I've had him for enough years that we've adjusted to each other I think.

[vacantexpression]

Fire and ice. [ Squall surmises with a nod. It makes sense, but he knows Shiva is slower to respond to him when he has Quezacotl junctioned. He can't even imagine what she'll be like when he finally summons Ifrit. It's partly why he's taken so long to venture into the Fire Cavern. He has so few things he clings to...to lose even one...

A deep breath soothes the worry from him. The gentle whip of wind as they walk helps too and Squall shifts the weight of Revolver onto his shoulder, testing the mobility of the newly healed muscle. ]

More than adjusted. I can feel traces of him in your magic. Like a signature or a brand.

[ Paramagic isn't typically something they shy away from talking about–anything that can give them a leg up is often the only time Squall is a willing participant of conversation–however the way they speak about it now feels...almost intimate. A little too familiar. Squall waves it off with a flick of his wrist as if to dismiss further commentary. ]

Just something I noticed.

[cross_swords]

[He'd be fine with picking Ifrit up. Really Ifrit's responsiveness only seemed to slip when he cast ice spells and when he summoned Shiva, the former slowing it more than an individual use of the latter. But it all built up over time. And using more fire and Ifrit more, built it back up. It was like adding weights to a scale.

But of course, he wasn't the brainiac in all of this, and didn't always ace the theory classes.]


Can't say I've noticed anything like that before. Maybe you just want to feel me close to you.


[He smirks like he's found something wonderful out there, but he knows he hasn't. Seifer wouldn't care that much.]

[vacantexpression]

[ There's no magic this time to explain why Squall goes hot through his collar. The burn is all his own and the sudden heat of it catches him off guard as he quickly tries to distract from the color in his cheeks by rolling his eyes and flipping Seifer off. ]

I hope that Esuna feels like a cold shower.

You think this might be a good time for us to wrap?

[cross_swords]

[There we go. A reaction. And a less weird interaction. He laughs, loudly, happily. Because that's just how it is with them.]

I promise it doesn't. More like ants all over your skin. At least it is for me.

The perfect place!

[vacantexpression]

[ The bark of laughter earns a huff of annoyance from Squall, but that's just par for the course of their usual interactions. If he has a retort it gets lost under the shriek of a nearby monster and honestly, it's preferable to any other conversation.

If he knows how to do anything, it's fight, and after the morning's duel, he's itching for a win. ]

i rarely get to take him out

[seed_pilot]

[Time. It's a thing that gives distance from pain. It's a thing that gives clarity to emotions. It's a thing that robs memories to those who use Paramagic. Apparently it's a thing that can be looped and compressed.

Mostly it's a thing that SeeD Nida Nomura pointedly had more of remaining on his mandatory vacation. There weren't many members of SeeD, the Faculty, and the Administration staff that delayed taking their mandatory vacation time for long enough for a notification to come across the SeeD Commander's desk. Most of them had even managed to obey the first time they got called into Commander Leonhart's office and were told they needed to take a break. Apparently SeeD Nomura was better at 'forgetting' or letting something else urgent come up. Because in the year and a half since the end of what some were calling the Last Sorceress War (how presumptive), he had only just gone out to obey vacation requirements.

He'd left four days ago. He wasn't supposed to be back for almost a month because of the back vacation time.

That probably explained why after he had knocked at the door and been summoned into the office of the SeeD Commander he looked sheepish. More than that, when he came in, he was in full uniform (a no-no on vacations) and immediately saluted before standing at attention.

Clearly his arrival, abnormal as it was, was in an official capacity. And because of that, the quiet SeeD stood there, silent, waiting to be acknowledged by his superior.]

Look at himmmmm, a bebe

[vacantexpression]

[ Time. The span of it, the length of it, the ever-winding tick-tock of it, is a gnawing thing. After surviving Time Compression, Squall thinks he might be sick from it the way a child can get sick off of too much candy. He's aware of its circular nature now. Time is not a flat line to race across, it is a wheel that once set into motion will rotate towards infinity, driven ever onwards by an unavoidable series of events.

He's never been one to believe in Fate so it's hard to come to terms with the fact that he sealed his own the second he told Matron about SeeD. A pre-determined life that affected not just himself, but every other member of their little orphanage gang. He did this to them and it's a shameful secret he's kept lodged in the back of his throat ever since Rinoa pulled him out of Time Compression.

Sometimes he goes into cold sweats thinking he's still trapped. Experiencing his life as it would one day be but not really living it. It's a miserable form of PTSD. He would much rather flinch at fireworks than be terrified of silence.

There are records that play in his office now whenever he's alone. It helps him keep track of Time. Time, proper noun. Like it's its own entity. A phantasmal force he's haunted by. The scratch of the record player and the crooning of instruments allows him to feel the flow of time moving forward. It's rare to find him sitting in complete silence these days, but as the SeeD Commander no one gives him too much trouble about that. ]

SeeD Nida. You're in uniform.

[ His gaze cuts from the paperwork in front of him to the figure of Nida standing in his office. He keeps track of everyone's Time. It's oddly cathartic to chart progress in days and hours, weeks, and years. Nida hasn't even been gone long enough to consider the latter two. He sighs before rising from his desk and giving a half measured salute so that Nida can be at ease. ]

And on Garden property.

[ The look he fixes Nida with is a withering one. It's the look that usually has people obeying his orders the first time around. A year and a half of being a full time Commander has allowed him to settle into his position with all the grace of a jungle cat in a circus. He knows which hoops to jump through and how to avoid the whip crack, but there's still danger in the way he moves, even when doing something as innocuous as turning down a record player. ]

If I ask you why or to report in, I'll be violating your vacation ordinance so let's skip the small talk so you can volunteer that information instead.

he really is, my kiddo

[seed_pilot]

[The look is enough to have Nida flinching a little as he moves into a more relaxed stance. He isn't one of what he's heard SeeD Tilmitt refer to as 'the Orphanage Gang'. Doesn't matter that he graduated with some of them, that he's been here almost as long as some of them and longer than others. Measuring up to them was never possible. And feeling confident in front of Squall was... a lot harder. For a lot of reasons.

Honestly, the only thing that he's really had to keep him from dodging one order he didn't want for a while was the fact that he was still a SeeD. Was still stubborn. And was an intel specialist SeeD for all that he'd ended up as the Garden's pilot. It meant he had spent a lot of time looking for loopholes in how things were worded. Including the one that brought him here despite a lot of VERY direct ordering.

Still, the careful word choice from Squall does earn a small smile from the guy. One that says he appreciates the fact that Squall saw through the angle he'd taken and found a way to counter it. A smile that says 'well played'. One that Xu, were she on friendlier terms with her SeeD Commander, would say was rarely given and she owed him a drink for managing it.]

There's a standing order, sir. One that is on the books as overriding any non-priority orders. Given where I was there was no service with the experimental Esthari Long Range Transmission Device, and sir someone needs to tell President Loire to tell his dev teams to give these things a name that isn't a mouthful, and I know there are no SeeDs currently running operations in Timber, the only option was to return in person to convey the information.

[Not, of course, that Nida should know that no SeeDs were currently deployed to Timber. It was one of those 'need to know' things on certain operations so even SeeDs in on gossip might not always know. But Nida says it with absolute certainty.

Granted, intel trained operatives could get up to foolish things when bored.

As for the 'Standing Order', there were a few of those. But only one with the parameters Nida was implying. An order regarding a certain wayward former cadet.]