It hurts to think that Seifer might have simply refused to let himself realize the depths of Squall's attachment because the thought was unfathomable or something he didn't feel worthy of. Squall's brows pinch at that, furrowing into a frown that mirrors across the line his mouth has pursed into.
"Yes, Seifer. You." The words feel like air as they leave him. Like a gasp after being held underwater. Because he gets it now. Of course Seifer wouldn't let himself see the inherent value Squall has placed on him. Not when he still considers himself a villain. Not when he's always felt that way with how Garden had treated him.
It pushes Squall up and away from the table, his approach slow as Seifer comes to the realization Squall had thought he'd made clear. "I'm not here because of what we were or even what I hoped we might have been before everything went to hell. I came here for you. Just you, Seifer. And it kills me, like ice in my chest, each time you look past that. Every time you try to call yourself unworthy of being saved. I know you didn't expect me to come. I know you didn't expect me to care. But I do. And I'm here. And I'm..."
He suddenly isn't sure what to do. This moment feels so important. It feels like the first thing to break him from the monotony of his life since being pulled from Time Compression. Squall stares at Seifer and sees all the ways life has been hard on him. The way life has always been hard on him. His hands twitch into fists again, his body shoring itself up against its desire to flee. When he unclenches his fingers, they settle on Seifer's shoulders, the touch slow but deliberate. Their first touch after what feels like lifetimes. Squall hasn't realized the way he's been starving for it.
"I'm sorry I never let you feel like that was possible." He's sorry for so much, for his hand in everything that Seifer has gone through, but sharing the truth of that feels like it will shatter the delicate ground they're standing on and all Squall wants to do is add foundations on top of it. He's older now and braver than he had been since the SeeD exam when he should have tracked Seifer down and said all of this after the ball. Things might have been different if he had. "You were never just something to put up with. I've been chasing you all this time to prove that."
His touch fans up the back of Seifer's neck and it sends a rush through him that breaks through the haze of existing, pumping life back into his veins. It's a sensation that has only ever existed with Seifer. Cultivated through years of longing. Of trying to measure up to Seifer's ideals and strengths and the valor he was constantly trying to hide behind an arrogant smirk. Squall's fingers feel the too-long length of Seifer's hair as he cups the back of his head so he can finally, finally bring their foreheads down to touch where their scars meet. And when he finally breathes, it is ragged and relieved, and he aches for some sign that Seifer feels the same.
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ninetydegrees
no subject
on 2024-11-15 08:49 pm (UTC)"Yes, Seifer. You." The words feel like air as they leave him. Like a gasp after being held underwater. Because he gets it now. Of course Seifer wouldn't let himself see the inherent value Squall has placed on him. Not when he still considers himself a villain. Not when he's always felt that way with how Garden had treated him.
It pushes Squall up and away from the table, his approach slow as Seifer comes to the realization Squall had thought he'd made clear. "I'm not here because of what we were or even what I hoped we might have been before everything went to hell. I came here for you. Just you, Seifer. And it kills me, like ice in my chest, each time you look past that. Every time you try to call yourself unworthy of being saved. I know you didn't expect me to come. I know you didn't expect me to care. But I do. And I'm here. And I'm..."
He suddenly isn't sure what to do. This moment feels so important. It feels like the first thing to break him from the monotony of his life since being pulled from Time Compression. Squall stares at Seifer and sees all the ways life has been hard on him. The way life has always been hard on him. His hands twitch into fists again, his body shoring itself up against its desire to flee. When he unclenches his fingers, they settle on Seifer's shoulders, the touch slow but deliberate. Their first touch after what feels like lifetimes. Squall hasn't realized the way he's been starving for it.
"I'm sorry I never let you feel like that was possible." He's sorry for so much, for his hand in everything that Seifer has gone through, but sharing the truth of that feels like it will shatter the delicate ground they're standing on and all Squall wants to do is add foundations on top of it. He's older now and braver than he had been since the SeeD exam when he should have tracked Seifer down and said all of this after the ball. Things might have been different if he had. "You were never just something to put up with. I've been chasing you all this time to prove that."
His touch fans up the back of Seifer's neck and it sends a rush through him that breaks through the haze of existing, pumping life back into his veins. It's a sensation that has only ever existed with Seifer. Cultivated through years of longing. Of trying to measure up to Seifer's ideals and strengths and the valor he was constantly trying to hide behind an arrogant smirk. Squall's fingers feel the too-long length of Seifer's hair as he cups the back of his head so he can finally, finally bring their foreheads down to touch where their scars meet. And when he finally breathes, it is ragged and relieved, and he aches for some sign that Seifer feels the same.