The decision to pardon Edea but leave Seifer in the hot seat has never stopped leaving a bitter taste in Squall's mouth. Neither of them should have been held accountable for Ultimecia's hostilities but to pin it entirely on one person? It was unconscionable. Seifer wasn't the one who directly interfered with the past. Seifer also wasn't the one responsible for the inception of a military program that would take in children and turn them into killers for hire. This sick circle they're trapped in is entirely Squall's fault and that means so are the casualties. If he can't turn back the clock and save those who have fallen on both sides, then he can keep Seifer from being added to the pile.
It's the very least he can do. But it isn't why he's doing this. It isn't what's sometimes kept him up at night during the war and most nights after it.
"You came to help," he says quietly, his gaze fixed on the deteriorating wall above the mantle before lowering to Seifer. "With the Deling assassination." The aftermath of the attempt had been Squall's first experience with loss. He'd known the feeling of it in the abstract, a hole left behind from Ellone even if he couldn't remember her face or name at the time, but getting the news that Seifer had been executed...Squall still remembers the way his stomach dropped. How the whole world became white noise. Of course they were going to die one day, their training had prepared them for that much, but to hear that it wasn't some glorious battle and instead the hangman's noose that had probably ended Seifer? Unthinkable. And to not even be mourned but to have had his actions talked about in the past tense? To be the past tense?
Squall hated hearing it then and he refuses to live through it a second time. It takes working his jaw a moment, as if he has to physically loosen it, before can push out the flood of thoughts that have been plaguing him.
"You had to have known you weren't coming back from that but you came anyway. And she was able to take you because of that. She took the best parts of you and twisted them, twisted you...She hurt you," Squall's voice strains with the knowledge and the vivid recollection of those scars, those awful fucking scars, that make his eyes burn with a fury that could rival Ifrit's, "and then put you on the world's stage to commit atrocities in her name, and there was nothing anyone could do to help."
Before Seifer flippantly tries to move past his remarks, Squall crouches beside him, feeling the heat of the fire as much as he does the proximity of their bodies. They haven't been this close without weapons between them since...Hyne, his dorm. Squall sees flashes of their old life behind his eyes as he takes a moment to unlatch the emotion he's getting better at sharing. He sees Seifer sweeping his gunblade down across his face, Seifer leaning in close while they stake out the communication tower, Seifer applauding the graduates after finding out he's failed, Seifer with a black hole where his face should be––
Squall sucks in a breath, stares Seifer right in the eye, and adds, "I don't care what punishment the world thinks you deserve. I'm here to make sure they don't get their way." Because. Because. He tries to urge himself to say more, to fill in the great unknown that's existed between them for as long as he can remember. The void that only Seifer has ever been able to fill. He opens his mouth, but it closes into a tight, thin line, his brows furrowing with a frustration that comes from being too scared to name this ineffable but wholly tangible thing inside of him. Even now with Seifer finally in front of him. Perhaps because Seifer is finally in front of him and Hyne, he would suffer Time Compression all over again, but he doesn't want to suffer losing Seifer.
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It's the very least he can do. But it isn't why he's doing this. It isn't what's sometimes kept him up at night during the war and most nights after it.
"You came to help," he says quietly, his gaze fixed on the deteriorating wall above the mantle before lowering to Seifer. "With the Deling assassination." The aftermath of the attempt had been Squall's first experience with loss. He'd known the feeling of it in the abstract, a hole left behind from Ellone even if he couldn't remember her face or name at the time, but getting the news that Seifer had been executed...Squall still remembers the way his stomach dropped. How the whole world became white noise. Of course they were going to die one day, their training had prepared them for that much, but to hear that it wasn't some glorious battle and instead the hangman's noose that had probably ended Seifer? Unthinkable. And to not even be mourned but to have had his actions talked about in the past tense? To be the past tense?
Squall hated hearing it then and he refuses to live through it a second time. It takes working his jaw a moment, as if he has to physically loosen it, before can push out the flood of thoughts that have been plaguing him.
"You had to have known you weren't coming back from that but you came anyway. And she was able to take you because of that. She took the best parts of you and twisted them, twisted you...She hurt you," Squall's voice strains with the knowledge and the vivid recollection of those scars, those awful fucking scars, that make his eyes burn with a fury that could rival Ifrit's, "and then put you on the world's stage to commit atrocities in her name, and there was nothing anyone could do to help."
Before Seifer flippantly tries to move past his remarks, Squall crouches beside him, feeling the heat of the fire as much as he does the proximity of their bodies. They haven't been this close without weapons between them since...Hyne, his dorm. Squall sees flashes of their old life behind his eyes as he takes a moment to unlatch the emotion he's getting better at sharing. He sees Seifer sweeping his gunblade down across his face, Seifer leaning in close while they stake out the communication tower, Seifer applauding the graduates after finding out he's failed, Seifer with a black hole where his face should be––
Squall sucks in a breath, stares Seifer right in the eye, and adds, "I don't care what punishment the world thinks you deserve. I'm here to make sure they don't get their way." Because. Because. He tries to urge himself to say more, to fill in the great unknown that's existed between them for as long as he can remember. The void that only Seifer has ever been able to fill. He opens his mouth, but it closes into a tight, thin line, his brows furrowing with a frustration that comes from being too scared to name this ineffable but wholly tangible thing inside of him. Even now with Seifer finally in front of him. Perhaps because Seifer is finally in front of him and Hyne, he would suffer Time Compression all over again, but he doesn't want to suffer losing Seifer.